Too Many Feelings

For as much as I like to believe I'm a simple person, with simple needs, I'm complicated as hell.  Sometimes, I don't understand me.  As a child, I was one of the most sensitive children, not only were my feelings on my sleeve, but it was so easy for me to get drawn into other folks feelings.  If someone else was sad, then I was sad too.  Eventually, I grew to see that side of me as a weakness, so I "locked it down". The only people who got to see that side of me were the people I allowed to be close.  I'm a friggin robot at work, and sometimes I lock down the emotions so tight that I'm surprised when they creep up - especially when I can't figure out why I feel a certain way.   I know I don't talk about my emotions enough. So I'm forcing myself to write.

• I'm obsessing over my moobies.  I want to make it with nursing until at least 6 months (with an ultimate goal of 1 year), and when Ladybug and I are together, it's not a problem.  But pumping and trying to keep up with demand is a beast! Maybe it's because I can see the numbers and obsess over them.  A bad pumping session can mess up my whole day.  I have a tiny little stockpile, it's enough to cover bad pumping days, but not for long.  And Ladybug is a big old hungry face.  According to the 457 breastmilk sources I read, her intake shouldn't change much, but the way she gets it could.  Like 3 6 oz bottles instead of 4 4.5 oz .  I'm adding cereal to her am feed 
• I work too far.  Gas and tolls are pissing all over my budget. And pooping - and there's no way around it.  I can't not go to work, that creates a whole new set of problems. 
• And that's really it.  So not that big of a deal when you look at the big picture, but in the moment it feels like a lot.