For nine of my eleven weeks of leave from work, I was in denial. I was oh so sure that I wouldn't have to go back, although I had no idea how that was going to work. I didn't play the lotto, or find a work from home program, or start using that Nigerian email scam on people, I just had decided that I wasn't going back. Until the Friday two weeks before my leave, when I took a deep, hard look at my checking account, then spent the whole day crying. I HAD to go back to work. It wasn't a choice, there was no option, I HAD to go back.
Being a working mom sucks. Yes, sucks. It sucks hairy, infected monkey balls. I work because it allows me to live and provide for my family. I hate how rushed I am. I am rushed in the morning, I am rushed at night. On a typical week day, I have 3-4 hours with Ladybug, which includes baths, getting dressed, nursing, etc. That was the biggest adjustment, to go from seeing her all day everyday, to a few fleeting hours. And, if I'm honest, those 11 weeks will likely be the only time that we'll be together like that. That's fucked up.
I wish staying home was an option. I wish I could be here to see all of her firsts, I wish mine was the face she'd see when she woke up from a nap. But instead I live with mommy guilt, and continue to tell myself that by working, I am doing the best I can to take care of her.
It'll be okay. Do the best you can with what you have. That's all we can do. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you! That was both a mommyism and a daddyism. How'd you get so wise?
Deletelol because I hear it all the time!
ReplyDeleteAwww! Im sorry you have Mommy guilt, but that means you are a good mommy so embrace it. And as long as you make the best of the time that you do have, she will appreciate it and have lots of wonderful memories just like her mommy does!
ReplyDeleteYou should become an hair stylist so you can do my hair, we can open a salon and you dont have to miss any of that!
Am I raining on the parade by saying it never goes away? I had a full on snot-faced crying session yesterday. And mine are big enough that I want to punch them in the head most days. Bleh. BLEH!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to win the lotto...or build an empire...
Yep, that would be rain. Lol! That bites. One of the ladies at work keeps telling me not to worry about leaving her NOW because Ladybug has no concept of time and doesnt realize that I've been gone all day...yet. If I can be debt free by her 5th birthday we have more options.
DeleteI too am going to win the lotto, or start an Empire.